Many years ago (close to 20 now), I had a very close friend. We had been friends in Junior High School, but as we entered High School, our interests changed and so did our group of friends. We talked causally, but weren’t very close anymore. I’d heard from a little bird that she wanted to be friends still. My new “cool” friends convinced me to do something that I still regret to this day.
“We” wrote her a letter (WAY before the internet) and told her that I was sorry that we weren’t friends anymore and that I wanted to be here friend again. Then, at the end of the letter, I wrote…”April Fool’s Day,” along with saying some things I regret. I know…it STILL kills me to think of that. I listened to some people I really wanted to be friends with. They were popular, cool, fun, and they liked me. I realized my horrible, horrible mistake almost immediately.
No one needed to tell me how this girl felt, even though I heard about it, because I felt horrible about what I had done. Whether we were friends or not, she did not deserve that. It was cruel, it was mean-spirited, and it hurt someone…someone who had once been a close friend.
In my defense, I was young. I was trying hard to fit in to high school. I was trying to fit in with my cool friends. Because they said it…I did it. That was the first and last time.
Later that week, I called this girl and begged her forgiveness. This sweet soul immediately forgave. Of course, I didn’t feel like I had earned it back because I know that what I did hurt her and humiliated her. I spent a long time trying to make it up to her. To prove to her that she was good. That she did not deserve what I had done. To help improve her self-worth. Fifteen-plus years later, we have reconnected via Facebook, but that memory will never leave me. I’m actually glad that I remember it.
Remembering that people have emotions and feelings and can so easily be hurt and my own experience of doing that hurting has helped me try to think of the effect of my actions before I make them. No, I’m not perfect. Please don’t think that’s what I’m saying.
I have been on both sides of the equation, as I’m sure most people have (or maybe not), but I’m sure everyone’s been hurt by something someone said to them…about them…to others…etc. Trying to remember that hurt can change into something wonderful. If, instead, we try to make people feel better about themselves, feel happier, feel worthy…well, it may be a dream, but I think that would be wonderful.
As horrible as it is to remember the hurt I caused another is the peace that comes because I made it up to her. I apologized…repeatedly…and I proved to her, with words and actions, that she was my friend and that she was a good person. For that, I will forever be thankful.
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