“Emma went to bread-making class taught by our neighbor and her daughters. She learned all about the bread-making process and even made her own artisan bread loaf in the shape of a turtle! She came home with her own apron and another batch of dough ready to be baked. The splash of flour on her nose completed the outfit!
Feb 12, 2011”
Tyson got a telescope for Christmas. One Sunday afternoon, we did some science experiments for fun!
Many years ago (close to 20 now), I had a very close friend. We had been friends in Junior High School, but as we entered High School, our interests changed and so did our group of friends. We talked causally, but weren’t very close anymore. I’d heard from a little bird that she wanted to be friends still. My new “cool” friends convinced me to do something that I still regret to this day.
“We” wrote her a letter (WAY before the internet) and told her that I was sorry that we weren’t friends anymore and that I wanted to be here friend again. Then, at the end of the letter, I wrote…”April Fool’s Day,” along with saying some things I regret. I know…it STILL kills me to think of that. I listened to some people I really wanted to be friends with. They were popular, cool, fun, and they liked me. I realized my horrible, horrible mistake almost immediately.
No one needed to tell me how this girl felt, even though I heard about it, because I felt horrible about what I had done. Whether we were friends or not, she did not deserve that. It was cruel, it was mean-spirited, and it hurt someone…someone who had once been a close friend.
In my defense, I was young. I was trying hard to fit in to high school. I was trying to fit in with my cool friends. Because they said it…I did it. That was the first and last time.
Later that week, I called this girl and begged her forgiveness. This sweet soul immediately forgave. Of course, I didn’t feel like I had earned it back because I know that what I did hurt her and humiliated her. I spent a long time trying to make it up to her. To prove to her that she was good. That she did not deserve what I had done. To help improve her self-worth. Fifteen-plus years later, we have reconnected via Facebook, but that memory will never leave me. I’m actually glad that I remember it.
Remembering that people have emotions and feelings and can so easily be hurt and my own experience of doing that hurting has helped me try to think of the effect of my actions before I make them. No, I’m not perfect. Please don’t think that’s what I’m saying.
I have been on both sides of the equation, as I’m sure most people have (or maybe not), but I’m sure everyone’s been hurt by something someone said to them…about them…to others…etc. Trying to remember that hurt can change into something wonderful. If, instead, we try to make people feel better about themselves, feel happier, feel worthy…well, it may be a dream, but I think that would be wonderful.
As horrible as it is to remember the hurt I caused another is the peace that comes because I made it up to her. I apologized…repeatedly…and I proved to her, with words and actions, that she was my friend and that she was a good person. For that, I will forever be thankful.
I love quotes. Sometimes, other people can say things much more eloquently than I can. I’ve been thinking about the above quote…a lot… for the last few weeks and wondering if it’s true or not. I’m thinking that it sounds good on paper, but really, I think it’s really easy to “matter” and still “mind.”
If you’ve managed in life to never get your feelings hurt by someone you care about, raise your hand. That’s what I thought. I think it’s very easy to speak your mind to those who do matter and have them mind. So, if they do mind, does that mean that person doesn’t matter? Or does it mean you really shouldn’t really speak your mind to some people or about some things because people will mind?
My self-esteem and self-worth have taken a bit of a beating recently by some things that were said. So, that above quote has been rattling around in my brain. I’d like to think that I matter and that I just happened to mind too. I repeat, that’s what I would LIKE to think. Maybe not what I’m feeling just yet.
I have written and rewritten the remainder of this blog entry three times now. The two previous attempts have left me sounding horribly depressed and rambling. I can’t say I’m still not rambling, but I am not horribly depressed. Really, Mom…I’m not.
That said, I do have feelings. I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes. And the downside of that is that when my feelings get hurt, boy do they get hurt.
I’m glad I have people in my life who help me remember that I DO matter. Thank you for that!
I am in a designer competition at Scrap Matters and the submissions for round one are in. And you can download them all for FREE! Just go to the gallery HERE, but you have to be logged in to view them. I can't tell you which entry is mine, but can you guess?
The colors were not really my style, but I found a theme and went with it. I hope it is enough to get me through to the second round! Fingers crossed!
Happy Monday!
Check out my design blog, Little Penguins Designs, for some exciting news! I’ve opened up an Etsy shop for my scrapbooking stuff! Check it out!
New Year’s Day was spent playing with Christmas toys. Tyson got to check out his new microscope and Austin played with the new train parts he got. Emma played with her toys too, but somehow I forgot to get a picture of her!
Tyson earned his Wolf Badge in Cub Scouts this month, just in time to move up to Bears in March after his birthday!
The kids had fun playing in the snow while I snow blowed. Tyson helped Austin make his own snowball (see photo on the right, above). Emma built a “snow chair,” which was lovely to sit it when since she didn’t have snow pants on.
Tyson’s Jr. Jazz basketball team had a WONDERFUL January. They had an undefeated month and Tyson scored his first basket of the season this month too!
A few months ago, I read an article about “John of God,” a man living in a remote area in Brazil who performs miracles. People flock to him to cure them of all sorts of illnesses and diseases, etc. Most miracles are performed via “invisible surgeries,” without touch, but some involve a man who is not a doctor cutting into a person often with nothing more than a dirty kitchen knife.
that’s enough to make me quiver with fear. For many who visit him, he is their last resort. He does this without charging people. He does it because he feels he has a gift that he is supposed to share.
How a malignant tumor disappears or how a blind person sees after visiting “John of God” is a question without an answer. Is it a miracle? Is it faith? Is it a sham? I don’t know. There are reports of him performing eye “surgeries” on people where he scrapes cells off the surface of their eye without any sort of sedative or without any sort of pain relief. The “patient” sits there letting him scrape cells off their eye(s) sitting perfectly still. That alone is unfathomable to me!
I do, however, know the power of our thoughts on our bodies. Our brains are such amazing organs. Our brains and our thoughts can make things happen to our bodies. As someone who loves psychology, having earned a degree in it, I have learned of so many psychological disorders that just fascinate me.
One of the most remarkable is a conversion disorder, where real symptoms occur that are so indicative of a real disorder where that disorder does not exist in that person. For example, I type medical reports for some pediatric neurologists and come across many pseudo-seizures, where patients present with such typical seizure characteristics, complete with convulsions and all. When given an EEG, no record of brain wave activity is found.
The patient is NOT faking their convulsions. Their body is having convulsions and very real signs. However, they are not having an epileptic seizure. Often, when digging for reasons for them, there is often an underlying factor, such as anxiety or stress, etc. there.
Some times, your brain/mind cannot handle what is going on and it just “snaps,” for lack of a better word. It is amazing and incredible, fascinating and a little bit scary.
Given that your mind/thoughts can create symptoms of something serious, I believe that it is also possible for your mind/thoughts could be possible of curing some things. I absolutely leave room open for miracles…for the divine interference in these amazing circumstances.
My reason for writing about this/thinking about this now is because I’ve been thinking a lot about things under our control and things not under our control. I cannot control how people think, act, or feel, but knowing how thoughts can become real, I can choose to try to make my thoughts worthwhile. I know how people’s thoughts can affect me, so it makes me want to be a person whose thoughts work for good and not evil (and I also wish for world peace…my beauty contestant moment here).
Also knowing how thoughts affect us, I can choose not to let other’s thoughts alter who I am…who I know I am. Good and bad, our thoughts are so powerful…so wonderful…so amazing…so incredible…so painful…so hurtful…so damaging. I’m challenging myself to have thoughts for good, to look for good, to think good. Do you want to challenge yourself?
From the article: “What is it we're hoping for when we ask to be healed? To lose an attitude that's holding us back? To lay down a psychic burden? Is it, simply, the ability to be happy at all times? "To learn to love ourselves," Heather had said earlier in the week, "that's the lifelong work." Whatever was going on in this town, it was in service of that goal. Maybe we couldn't fully understand the process yet, but that didn't make it less real. "It's like this," Zsolt told me. "A hundred years ago if someone showed you an iPhone, you wouldn't have believed it. Everything is always progressing. We know so little and our senses are limited, so limited." If you aren't open to the mystery, in other words, you'll never glimpse it. In Abadiânia that veil between the seen and the unseen is a tissue-thin paper full of rips. It is a place not only where miracles happen, but where no one thinks that is unusual.”
A recent conversation at our house the other night:
Emma: “Mom, Tyson called me a lame-o.”
Me: “Well, are you a lame-o?”
Emma: “No!”
Me: “Well, then you don’t need to worry about it.”
No, Emma’s not a “lame-o,” but telling her to not worry about it wasn’t going to cut it. The words were spoken and her little feelings were hurt. That conversation continued several more times involving different words and even a reversal of roles at times. Finally, Dad and I sat the kids down because they just wouldn’t stop hurting each other with their words.
We reminded them that they were family and that as such, they were there to support each other…to bring each other up…NOT to try to bring each other down, either on accident or on purpose. We had them tell each other at least one thing they liked about the other person.
Tyson said something about Emma being smart sometimes (his version of a compliment). Emma said something about Tyson being funny.
As silly as being called a “lame-o” seems, it wasn’t the first time, or the last, I’m sure. It came from someone she loves (at least part of the time) and it hurt her. I could tell her until I’m blue in the face that she knows she’s not a ______ (fill in the blank), but she’s a girl. She’s my daughter, which means she’s emotional and sensitive, and it affects her.
As a female, as a mother, I want my daughter to have the self-assurance to not have little things like that bother her, but then I tried to relate it to my life as an adult. True, I’m in my (cough, cough) mid-30’s, independent, fairly confident, and self-assured for the most part. Even then, words affect me. They can bring me up and conversely, they can tear me down and rip me to shreds. It’s easy to say to not give people that power of you, but good or bad, thoughts and words from people who you care about can affect you.
In that thought, I’m going to try to make my words work for the best. My words to my kids, my words to my friends, and my words to others. Maybe take a minute before I yell at them (Reading this it sounds like I’m just yelling all day at them!) and think whether there’s a better way to deal. After all, I really hate yelling at them, they seem to turn me out really quickly when I do. “What?” “Huh?”
I’ll let you know…
