My Little Aspie

I recently had the opportunity to review “House Rules” by Jodi Picoult.  I love her books.  I’m a huge fan, so this was a great opportunity for me.  The book was of a special interest to me as well, as the main character had Asperger syndrome, which my son Tyson does, as well. 

About 3-1/2 years ago, after we moved to Utah from Las Vegas, I noticed Tyson’s behavior and response to normal things were a little off.  He just had a lot of breakdowns over simple things and I was feeling like a bad mom.  I remember sitting on his floor with him after a particularly bad breakdown because I wanted him to come to the grocery store with me.  I just looked him and thought to myself, “What is wrong with him?” 

We came to Vegas for Thanksgiving that year and I had mentioned to my mom how frustrated I was. She told me she thought he may have Asperger’s. Long story short… we returned to Utah, had Tyson tested, and sought treatment for him.  

Tyson is doing so well lately that most people would not even know he has it.  For me, on the other hand, I see those little quirks that define him.  He is precise and very literal.  I remember when he was younger and played at “My Gym.”  They would have circle time where they were asked a question.  One day, the question was, “What’s on your sheets on your bed?”  Most kids answered, “Princesses,”  “Dinosaurs,” etc.  Tyson answered, “Me.”  He was right.  When he’s in his bed, he is on his sheets.  How smart and witty, I thought.   Being so literal is a sign. 

On the spectrum, Tyson is remarkably high.  We have never told him that he has Asperger’s.  I don’t want him to feel different or think that he is.  So far, it’s okay.  I imagine in the future that time will come that we will need to discuss it, but not yet. 

As with most “Aspies,” Tyson struggles socially.  He has close friends, but not a lot of them.  When he has troubles with other kids, we talk about ways to deal in those situations.  As a mom, I want my kids to have friends and to be liked.  I know that is an area where he will probably always struggle.   In her book, Jodi Picoult said it far better than I could…

“I’ve met so many parents of kids who are on the low end of the autism spectrum, kids who are diametrically opposed to Jacob, with his Asperger’s. They tell me I’m lucky to have a son who’s so verbal, who is blisteringly intelligent, who can take apart the busted microwave and have it working again an hour later. They think there is no greater hell than having a son who is locked in his own world, unaware that there’s a wider one to explore. But try having a son who is locked in his own world, and still wants to make a connection. A son who tries to be like everyone else, but truly doesn’t know how.”

When I read the first chapter of “House Rules,” I did so with many tears in my eyes.  It wasn’t particularly sad, but it was really close to home.  She had the words and the medium for my thoughts.  It was so emotional just reading so many thoughts that I have had be put on paper by someone else. 

The character in the book, Jacob, is far more ritual-strict than Tyson.  For instance, Jacob has days associated with colors, i.e. Blue Fridays where food and clothing are all blue, every week.   Thank goodness!

One other aspect Jodi Picoult hit right on was the Aspie’s inability to have an imagination or to see things through another’s eyes.  I can’t say, “How do you think that made him/her feel?,” because he can’t do it.  I have to wait for some similar situation to happen to him and then try to relate it back. 

In “House Rules,” Jacob’s younger brother is stricken with fears of a monster in his room.  The brother screams all night and no one sleeps.  Jacob decides to fix that by sleeping outside his brother’s door.  He tells his brother that if there really is a monster, he (Jacob) will stop it.  When his mom see’s this, she is so thrilled that Jacob is showing compassion to his brother, something she thought she wouldn’t ever see.  Actually, Jacob slept outside his brother’s room, because if his brother slept well, then Jacob could sleep too.   The Aspie’s world revolves around him/her. 

I have also known for a long time how sensitive Tyson is to touch.  He can’t stand anyone pulling his hair or rubbing his head.  We’ve often put it off to him “being a baby,” but I was wrong.  I’ve known how sensitive Aspies are.  Tyson hates feeling the “line” at the toe of socks and tags in clothing have to be cut off.  But the skin sensitivity I didn’t really get.  Jacob, in “House Rules” compares touch to knife-like sensations, especially if it’s an unexpected touch. I didn’t realize that since Tyson can’t always give his thoughts words to make us understand. 

“House Rules,” in essence is the story of Jacob, a highly functioning, but socially inept, teenager whose social skills teacher is murdered.  He may or may not have had something to do with it.  The book was awesome, and not just for me.  If you’d like to borrow my copy, let me know.  It was also really insightful for anyone who knows an Aspie. 

As for my Aspie, it’s no surprise that his diagnosis shattered my world.  I cried and cried.  I mourned for the future that should have been his.  But after that, I remembered that all those Aspie traits are some of the things that I love most about my son.  I love that kid and I even love the Asperger’s  that makes him who he is.  And, I can honestly say that given the chance, I wouldn’t change a thing about him.  He is who he is supposed to me.  It is up to us to help him navigate his world and (most days) I’m up for the task.