Some scrapbook pages

     

Asperger Syndrome…What it is and what it isn’t.

For a little background on my little Aspie, see HERE. 

When Tyson was diagnosed, I bought a few copies of the book, “Can I tell you about Asperger Syndrome: A Guide for Family and Friends,” to help me explain what it is. 

“Having AS (Asperger Syndrome) means I have difficulties with some things that most people don’t have trouble with.  My main difficulties are with what some people call “social sense” – understanding and getting along with other people easily.”

“If I feel confused about what people are doing or what I am expected to do, I might be afraid to join in with games even if I want to be friendly…I might only want to play if I decide on the game and choose the rules.  This isn’t just me being bossy.  It’s because I feel safer and less confused if I make the rules.” 

“Most people with AS have sensory issues.  It is different for everyone.  Some feel pain that most people would interpret as light touch.”

“The main way you can help me is by realizing that I have AS, and being sympathetic.” 

So, what is Asperger Syndrome?  The official statement is: 

Dr Hans Asperger, an Austrian pediatrician, originally described Asperger’s Syndrome in 1944. The syndrome has more recently been classified as an autistic spectrum disorder. Children and adults with Asperger’s Syndrome have an intellectual capacity within the normal range, but have a distinct profile of abilities that has been apparent since early childhood. The profile of abilities includes the following characteristics:

• A qualitative impairment in social interaction:
  • Failure to develop friendships that are appropriate to the child’s developmental level.
  • Impaired use of non-verbal behavior such as eye gaze, facial expression and body language to regulate a social interaction.
  • Lack of social and emotional reciprocity and empathy.
  • Impaired ability to identify social cues and conventions.
• A qualitative impairment in subtle communication skills:
  • Fluent speech but difficulties with conversation skills and a tendency to be pedantic, have an unusual prosody and to make a literal interpretation.
• Restrictive Interests:
  • The development of special interests that is unusual in their intensity and focus.
  • Preference for routine and consistency.

The disorder can also include motor clumsiness and problems with handwriting and being hypersensitive to specific auditory and tactile experiences.

The characteristics of Asperger’s Syndrome described above are based on the diagnostic criteria and current research and have also been modified as a result of my extensive clinical experience

From my clinical experience I consider that children and adults with Asperger’s Syndrome have a different, not defective, way of thinking. The person usually has a strong desire to seek knowledge, truth and perfection with a different set of priorities than would be expected with other people. There is also a different perception of situations and sensory experiences. The overriding priority may be to solve a problem rather than satisfy the social or emotional needs of others. The person values being creative rather than co-operative.

The person with Asperger’s syndrome may perceive errors that are not apparent to others, giving considerable attention to detail, rather than noticing the ‘big picture’. The person is usually renowned for being direct, speaking their mind and being honest and determined and having a strong sense of social justice. The person may actively seek and enjoy solitude, be a loyal friend and have a distinct sense of humor. However, the person with Asperger’s Syndrome can have difficulty with the management and expression of emotions.

Children and adults with Asperger’s syndrome may have levels of anxiety, sadness or anger that indicate a secondary mood disorder. There may also be problems expressing the degree of love and affection expected by others. Fortunately, we now have successful psychological treatment programs to help manage and express emotions. (Tony Atwood, MD)

So, that’s the official version.  Here’s the mom version: 

It is not autism.  It is on the autism spectrum and as such, there are common issues among Aspies, but like fingerprints, no two are alike. 

It is not an excuse when he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else.

It is a reason to remind him that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. 

It is not an excuse to yell at his sister who is making her herbivores live with her carnivores.

It is a reason to remind him that she’s using her imagination and that’s great. 

It is not an excuse for not playing well with others in big groups.

It is a reason for the anxiety that comes from playing with others in big groups.

It is not an excuse to for his poor handwriting because he’s being lazy.

It is a reason why his handwriting isn’t as clear as everyone else’s (fine motor skills).

It is not an excuse to expect less of what he is capable of doing.

It is a reason to evaluate my expectations when I’m not getting the results I want. 

It is not an excuse when he is mean to others.

It is a reason for pointing out specific situations to him where he didn’t act appropriately. 

It is not an excuse for the decline in his behavior when he is overly tired.

It is a reason for the decline in his behavior when he is overly tired. 

It is not an excuse for getting him treated differently. 

It is a reason for understanding his needs and helping him fit in when he doesn’t. 

It is not an excuse for breaking down when he doesn’t get his way.

It is a reason to take the time to better explain the situation to him.

It is not an excuse to love him less.

It is a reason to love him more.  

 

I try very hard not to use Asperger’s as an excuse for Tyson.  I have never even told him of his diagnosis.  I don’t want him treated differently and I don’t want him to think he’s not “normal.”  He has come a LONG way in the past few years since he was diagnosed, but it a work in progress.  I strongly emphasize WORK.  It involves teaching and explaining and, above all, loving. I don’t want my son treated differently than his peers, but there does need to be the acknowledgment that he does have some different needs that he has no control over and there do need to be some accommodation for those needs. 

Thanks

 

Thank you, mystery flower sender! 

Blogging Therapy

I’m feeling a little broken today…okay, a whole lot broken today.  No, I’m not feeling sorry for myself and no, I’m not looking for your sympathy.  I’m writing this for myself…a little blogging therapy, if you will. So, if you don’t want to read on, then don’t.

 

I have an issue that I am a writer.  I’ve always loved writing papers in school (sick, I know).  I love the comfort that comes from being able to pace myself and think things out in my brain.  The problem comes when the issue is emotional.  I HATE confrontations. I hate putting anyone in that position where they might feel they are being attacked.  I hate thinking that my words could hurt someone.  I take one look at the person I’m trying to confront and my girly emotions come to the front and I can’t talk.  I don’t say anything I mean or anything I want to say.  Usually, I just keep it in and do anything I can to not hurt someone else. 

Keeping things in has issues all its own.  They add.  They fester.  They remember.  They hurt.  Oh, they hurt.  Eventually, they become too big to keep them inside and something will let them flow.  I’m not a quickly emotional person.  I don’t tell you how I see it and then later apologize if I’ve offended.  I’m the other type.  I keep it all in until I can’t.  In that case, sometimes the issues get blurred and the situation that triggers the flow is really more of a smaller issue of a bigger problem.  Irritating?  I’ve recently been told it is. 

I recently had a situation that hurt my feelings and it involved more than just one person.  The situation was stupid, but my feelings are not.  I chose to confront in the best way I could, and that was to write to them.  I addressed everyone at the same time.  I didn’t place blame on any person.  NO one person was called to blame and I felt I did a good job attacking the situation without attacking a single person by calling them out.  I really hoped that those I addressed would know me well enough to know that my feelings really weren’t hurt over the one “so, so stupid'” incident, but more of a feeling of things that have accumulated.  I could NOT have been more wrong. 

I’m not sure exactly what I expected to happen, but I certainly didn’t expect to feel so attacked.  In hindsight, I DID start it.  I honestly did not attack a single person.  I attacked the situation.  I thought my feelings and thoughts were important enough to warrant that.  Was I wrong?  With those we love, don’t we want to know when we’ve done something to offend?  I do.  I still do. 

I’m not blameless.  Not at all.  I am so FAR from perfect.  I know that.  I’ve never claimed perfection or even anything remotely close to it.  I’m just a girl who is trying to do the best she can.  I make mistakes.  I make lots of mistakes.  I’m sure I’ve hurt people along the way.  I can’t even put into words how that makes me feel.  Hurting someone I love is painful to me.   

I spent a great deal of time with my eyes full of tears and my heart full of pain.  And I haven’t felt so alone in a very long time.  Sleep was hard to come by last night.  I kept wondering if I just should have kept my stupid mouth (or in this case, my fingers) shut and not said anything.  According to the way the day played out, yes, I probably should have, but I didn’t.  And in return, I opened myself up.  I can’t blame anyone other than myself here.  I opened myself up for comments.  I opened myself up for thoughts.  Apparently, that also meant I opened myself up for hurt…a lot of hurt. 

My heart is full.  My pain is immense.  My devastation is all encompassing, but luckily, this too shall pass.  I’m broken.  I’m at the bottom.  Do I regret sharing my feelings?  No, but I MOST certainly regret that it was misinterpreted and caused pain. 

Holiday Portrait Card Special

Thought I’d pass along the holiday card special my sister-in-law, Amanda, and I are offering: 

October Wrap-Up

53 Mondays

Panera’s Creamy Potato Soup

Adapted from Lynn’s Kitchen Adventures

6 cups chicken broth

6 cups potatoes, peeled and cubed

1/2 teaspoon seasoning salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper

1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika

1 (8 oz) cream cheese, cut into chunks, room temperature

4 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled

Combine broth, potatoes and spices. Boil on medium heat until potatoes are tender. Smash a few of the potatoes to release their starch for thickening. If you like it smooth smash more, if you like it chunky just smash a little of it. You can decide the texture of it. Reduce to low heat. Add cream cheese. Heat, stirring frequently, until cheese melts. Ladle into bowls. Sprinkle a little bacon over each bowl of soup.

I don’t know that I’ve ever had Panera’s version, but this was alright.  I added the paprika and LOVED that little kick.  I don’t know if I did something wrong, but the consistency was neither smooth or chunky, just a little of both.  That was a little off-putting, but the taste was good.